Understanding why you feel ‘not good enough’

Understanding why you feel "not good enough" and how you can change this

Dear reader, 
I wrote this article for you, who feels ‘not good enough‘,

who thinks that what you do is never good enough,

who constantly thinks about how others perceive you,

who is aware of your feelings, only to criticize them,

and the list goes on. 

I think this theme is so extremely important, not just because I meet it in most of my clients, but
also because I know that when we experience pressure of any kind in our daily life, we start
criticizing ourselves .

So, in most cases of stress, depression, anxiety problems, as well as people
who are sensitive and empaths, we will experience an inner struggle, frustration and criticism,
insecurity and the fear of how others are seeing and perceiving us .

However, how we deal with it, how we reconnect with ourselves, is different and individual to each of us. 
One essential factor in this is our awareness and understanding of how our childhood experiences influenced us and our relationship with ourselves .

Childhood experiences

If during the formative years of your childhood, your inner child took on the message that you are not good enough, you are not lovable, you are not worthy, that belief can and will cause you a lot of challenges in the future. 

Usually, the inner child tries to fill in its needs by compensating with food, drink, neatiness, jealousy, shopping, control, and so on, but it actually is an inner emptiness

And the answer to this emptiness is within ourselves. We simply cannot find a replacement for it in the outside world. 

So, if you did not feel loved, understood or supported during your childhood, then introspection and self-awareness are the first steps towards healing. These are essential in building ‘bridges’ towards self-esteem and self-confidence

Try to understand the reason behind your actions; try to understand, accept and acknowledge your feelings. By knowing and understanding yourself, you become loving and compassionate with yourself.

Mistakes are important

We all make mistakes.  And we can all learn from our mistakes.

We develop an understanding of ourselves, of others, of the world around us during our life because of the errors and challenges we encounter on our life path.

Self-criticism does the opposite: it makes us feel small, insignificant, and lonely.

Work towards self-awareness and self-understanding. When you feel empty and unloved, look within and try to understand what is happening: why do you feel like that? Ask yourself, how you can heal the inner wound.

When there is pressure in our lives

When we face problems, difficulties, or challenges, we become self-critical because it activates this old feeling of not being good enough. Like pressing a red button, it brings us back into the past and we start feeling not good enough. We start doubting that what we think, what we feel and what we do is right.

We become distant from good contact with ourselves, and that attitude will add extra pressure to the initial problem.  

Therefore, a helpful thing in such a situation is to work with our self-confidence, self-esteem, generally to improve our relationship with ourselves.

Strengthening the relationship with ourselves

How can we do that? 

Training and sports activities are great tools for strengthening our self-confidence. 

Another great way is to reflect on our day and focus on the things we have achieved, however small or big they are – and to acknowledge them.

Setting up achievable goals and rewarding ourselves for achieving them is another way of developing self-confidence and self-esteem. 

Acknowledging every day, trying to understand what we feel and why, is another excellent and relevant tool.

Cultivate an attitude of self-understanding and self-compassion, by trying to understand and acknowledge yourself. Build up an inner dialogue based on respect and a positive, empowering way of talking to yourself. Sometimes, this is the most challenging thing to do. But it is possible.

Become your own best friend

We tend to be understanding, supportive and acknowledging of others, our friends, colleagues, etc., but not of ourselves.

If this is the case, I suggest you start talking to yourself just as you would do to your best friend.

In this way, you can build a positive, empowering, loving relationship with yourself. It will take some time to do so, but intention and clear focus will help you persevere. Give yourself a realistic time frame for this project, instead of expecting it to happen from one day to the other. Give yourself 3 months, 6 month or even a year, to achieve it

My work with any problem my clients bring to me is based on building self-awareness, self-understanding and self-empowering

Working on problems like depression, anxiety, stress, addictions, as well as high sensitivity and intuitive empathy, we will also focus on the client’s quality of the relationship with self. 

As I have mentioned previously, a good relationship with ourselves, our inner child, is so important. When we respect and honour this precious relationship, we are creative, fulfilled, joyful, open towards others, we really have life quality. We flow easily through all our natural and varied feelings because we do not expect ourselves to be perfect, we do acknowledge that we can make mistakes and we do not need to control everything to be able to survive from one day to the next

And what is the most important is, that whatever life brings on, we trust that we can handle it, not just because we believe we can, but more important, we become able to ask for help from those around us

I hope you found this article helpful, and that you will be able to take from it what resonated best with your situation. If you need individual, personalized help to understand and free yourself from your own challenges and become your own best friend, I look forward to meeting you and helping you on your journey of self-development and self-understanding. 

With all my best regards,

Melinda

Photo by Veronika Bykovich on Unsplash

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